Married with Children - Hood and the Boyz

"For the only reason that a rational man would do an irrational thing like this. Women. I'm a moron, Ray Ray. We're all morons.That's what comes from being a man.From the first little worm they dare us to eat to the last big shovelful of snow they convince us we can move. We're nothing more to women than an amusement park ride with life insurance.Why else would we do the idiotic things that we do? For example: - You ski? - No. Well, you will someday if a girl wants you to. We all will. We'd hurdle down that mountain so fast that the crack of our bodies hitting the tree wouldn't even resonate before we'd pounce up and say, "I'm okay." They know we're not okay. Even if they missed that pair of squirrels running away with our hacky sacks one glance at the colour of the snow would hint there might be some trauma. We've all been to a weight room when a girl walks by and said to ourselves: "Gee, I think I'll start today's warm-up bench press with oh, nine tons." So you see, Ray Ray as long as there's women there'll be men around doing stupid things to impress them. That's why I'm here.That's why you're here.That's why they're here.Now, someday you may evolve beyond this but it's too late for me.I'm too old, too married and lost far too many hacky sacks.So it's either you split so I look cool in front of my girl. Or you look cool in front of yours and kill me."

Al Bundy: Oh, Peg, it was horrible. 16 straight hours of shoe-selling mayhem. The last thing I remember that that I was down on one knee, waiting on an overflowing glacier of a woman. The first thing they teach you when you're a rookie shoe salesman is when you've got a fat one in the chair, never look up. I looked up, Peg. I saw underwear. It said "Saturday."

Peggy Bundy: So what?

Al Bundy: Today's Wednesday!